Red Coat, White Beard
by I'm sorry but no
Summary: "You need to shave" "No I don't, my beard looks great and its never bothered you before" Bakura snapped as he tugged on his red jacket. A christmas one shot. Rated for excessive language


YES I KNOW I'VE BEEN INACTIVE FOR ALMOST 4 YEARS. College honestly kicked my ass. To be entirely honest I don't think I will ever go back to posting on any set schedule but I promise to update when I get smacked with a plot that needs to exist. I would like to think that I've grown a lot as a writer in the past 4 years but I want you to be the judge of that.

Let me preface this by saying I wrote this one afternoon in JULY and its been sitting here waiting since then. I debated back and forth between posting it then and posting it in a most seasonally appropriate time. As you can tell the seasonally appropriate time won and now I have given you a mildly religious gift. If you enjoy half as much as I enjoyed writing it consider a review or a favorite.

"You need to shave"

"No I don't, my beard looks great and its never bothered you before" Bakura snapped as he tugged on his red jacket.

"Yeah but," Marik cut himself off thinking of something better "You know what, you're right"

"What's gotten into you?" Bakura said looking up from his gear to stare at Marik distrustfully, "You've been hanging out with Ryou again haven't you?"

"I just remembered how wonderful it feels when you kiss your way down my body with your beard," Marik replied with a smirk.

"Damn right it does," Bakura growled as he grabbed his black belt and strapped it around his waist, his knives dangling threateningly in the light of the kitchen.

"Should I bother asking what your plan is?"

"No I don't think you need to" Bakura said as he pulled on his boots and grabbed his bag "I'll be back by morning"

"Whatever"

Bakura strolled out of the room and quickly disappeared into the night

"Dumbass this is going to be funny"

Bakura had just strolled up to his target, the lights were on but Bakura knew that the family wasn't home tonight. Silently slipping up to the rear of the house he snuck his way in without any problems, expertly avoiding the cameras as he went.

This is too easy, he thought to himself as he pried open the window and snuck into the house, landing on the plush carpet without a sound.

Stalking around like a cat, the thief began grabbing anything that caught his attention and put it into his bag. This house was his ideal target; lots of shelves filled with priceless objects and tables with expensive trinkets lined the walls of the hallways.

With his bag nearly full, Bakura entered what had to have been the parlor, where a giant tree stood.

"The fuck is a tree doing in here?" he asked himself before going and grabbing the perfectly wrapped boxes from under it.

"Weird modern shit," he grumbled as he stuffed his bag full and turned to make his escape.

"Oh fuck yeah cookies," he quietly cheered as he grabbed a few off the plate and bit into them, turning to leave as he did so.

And stopped right in his tracks.

Fuck, a kid.

"Santa?" who?

"Santa oh my god! Do you have anything in your sack for me?"

'You have got to be kidding me' Bakura thought as he stared at the kid 'he's too young I can't just kill him'

"What's your name?"

"Luca!"

Bakura dug around in his sack grabbing the first box he found with the name and thrusting it out to the kid.

"Here you go" Bakura growled out as he grabbed his sack again and prepared to leave.

"Thank you!" Luca screamed as he grabbed Bakura around the waist and pulled him into a grateful hug. "I'll go right to bed and I won't open it until morning! Mom and Dad will never believe that I met Santa! Do you have your reindeer? Can I meet them?"

Reindeer? The fuck?

"No, sorry kid, I've gotta and don't tell anyone you saw me" Bakura unwrapped the child from his waist and moved to leave, needing to get out of the house before the brat woke anyone else up.

"Why are you leaving that way? Don't you want to use the chimney?"

"Why would I do that?" Bakura asked as he glanced at the roaring fireplace wearily.

"I just thought…"

"I've had enough of this" Bakura muttered glancing at the child "sleep," he said and the child immediately turned and left, Bakura's magic compelling him to leave and go back to bed.

"Fuck it, I'll just use the shadow realm to get home" Bakura called up a portal and stepped through after checking that everything was as it should be.

"Did you ever tell Bakura about Christmas and Santa Claus?" Marik asked into the phone.

"No why?" Ryou asked sleepily as he grumpily answers the phone.

"No reason I'll call you tomorrow… uh strike that I'll call you later, Merry Christmas"

Ryou didn't get a chance to respond before he heard the dial tone and rolled over to go back to sleep, cuddling up to his lover again.

"Marik, I'm back"

Flash

"What the fuck Marik?"  
"Nothing I just needed proof," Marik said as he fiddled with his phone, his smirk creeping into a full-blown grin.

"Proof of what? You better not turn me in, you bastard"

"Relax," Marik said as he raised his arms in surrender, "You just look like someone I know right now, that's all"

"You mean Ryou? I hate to tell you this but I think you need to have your eyes checked if you think that wimp looks anything like me"

Marik didn't choose to respond to that instead he continued to smile at the phone as if he held the funniest thing he had ever seen, "So how did it go?"

Bakura didn't want to tell anyone about being caught, especially to Marik, so he said, "I got a lot of cool shit but this house was fucking weird"

"What do you mean?"

"They had a giant tree in their living room with birthday presents underneath but they were labeled for 3 different people. And then there was just a plate of cookies sitting there" Bakura said as he took off his belt, coat and boots, "What the fuck is so funny?"

Marik could not stop laughing, "Oh ahaha its nothing," he said as he continued to chuckle going to look through the bag that Bakura had lugged onto the floor by the couch.

"Did you eat any of them?"

"Of course I did, they were fucking great!"

Marik continued to chuckle as he grabbed the first box out of the bag and unwrapped it, a coffee machine pocking out of the colorful wrappings, "Hell yeah, we needed one of these"

The two continued to unwrap the gifts, quickly finding out that most of them were toys with some jewelry and some men's clothing.

"What the fuck are we going to do with all these toys?"

"Don't we have a neighbor with a bunch of kids down the hall?"  
"Yeah so?"

"Just go give them to them"

Bakura groaned at the thought of having to move from the couch but relented, "Yeah okay, whatever"

Bakura moved to put all the toys back in the bag before putting his boots and coat back on and moving to the door.

"What time is it?"

"11:37" Marik answered as he glanced at his phone

"Their mom should still be up, I'll be back in a few minuets"

Marik stood and walked to the door, holding it open for Bakura as he stepped out into the night and walked down the hall a bit.

He knocked on the door and waited for someone to open the door, Marik decided that this couldn't be passed up and pulled out his phone to record the next few minuets.

Knock knock knock

"Who could that be?" the mother asked as she told her eldest to go and open the door, turning back to her two younger children who wanted to help her set up the milk and cookies for Santa

"Santa?!"

"What?!" her two younger children cried as they raced to the front door.

The mother exited the kitchen and turned to face the door where a man dressed like Santa stood holding a bag at his feet.

"What on earth"

"Hello Ms. Kennedy" Bakura said as he stood confused on the doorstep, wondering what all the fuss was about "I brought some toys over for the kids"

At that the three children started screaming with joy, and the mother continued to look confused but also grateful as he went to welcome in her neighbor in disguise.

"Oh thank you, kids what do we say?"

"Thank you!" the three chanted before pulling Bakura in and grabbing the bag out of his hands, looking to see what "Santa" had brought them.

"We have milk and cookies for you!" the youngest yelled as she went into the kitchen to grab the plate they were preparing for just such an occasion, "Hope you like them"

Never one to resist cookies, Bakura grabbed 2 and started eating them as the kids started to play with the toys.

"Thank you Bakura," the mother said as she went over to where Bakura had sat down to eat the cookies.

"Yeah no problem, we didn't know what else to do with them so we figured you could at least use them"

"You didn't have to do all this you know, dressing up like Santa and bringing over toys"

"Who the fuck is Santa?" Bakura asked as he ate his second cookie.

The mother just laughed and said, "Well you are"

Bakura shrugged and moved to grab his bag back, now empty thanks to the 3 kids playing on the ground.

"Well, I better go, I've got some other things to take care of"

"Kids Santa's leaving!" the mother called and all three of them ran up to Bakura to give him another hug.

"Thank you!"

"Give your reindeer a hug for me!"

"Thank you again, really this means the world to them," the mother said as she let him out the door.

"It's no problem, night"

Bakura walked back to his own door noticing Marik was still standing in the doorway looking incredibly smug.

"Who the fuck is Santa?" Bakura growled as he walked back into the apartment

"Ask Ryou, I'm going to bed"

"Whatever, night"

"I never said I was going to bed alone"

"Well it's going to be a good night then" Bakura said smirking as he pulled Marik close to him as he knocked the door closed with his boot.

The next morning came too early with the harsh ringing of a cell phone piercing the otherwise calm morning.

"The fuck you want?" Marik growled into the offending object, not even bothering to check the caller ID or even open his eyes.

"Merry Christmas!" the overly cheerful voice screamed, unoffended by the rude greeting.

"Yeah you too," Marik replied half heartedly and then hung up the phone, deciding then an there that he would call the shorter male back when he was more coherent and less irritable.

Flopping back into the pillows Marik felt Bakura pull him closer before closing his eyes once again, drifting off into sleep with little regard to the disruption.

When Marik next woke he felt the undeniable urge to pee but the equally strong urge to not get out of his wonderfully warm bed, especially with Bakura's arm slung across his naked torso. Realizing that wishing the pee away would do nothing but make it worse, Marik removed Bakura's arm and made to get out of bed, his tan body stretching and curving before tensing in pain.

Of course that pain was the result of a night of pleasure but it was pain regardless. Slowly releasing the tension in his body in order to lessen the sudden on slot of sensation he moved his legs to the absolute edge of the bed before sitting up with a hiss and standing slowly.

Taking care of his business, Marik came back into the bedroom to find the bed empty and the alarm clock reading 11:41 am.

Figuring that Bakura had woken when he left the bed, Marik headed towards the kitchen to find Bakura hooking up their new coffee machine and shivering lightly.

"You know, clothes would be suggested considering its snowing outside"

"I didn't fucking need them until a few minuets ago but you just had to leave"

"I had to pee"

"That's not a good enough reason to leave" Bakura muttered as he poured the coffee grounds into the paper holder and closed the lid, grabbing the adjustable faucet head and angling it into the water tank. "Fuck yeah I knew it would reach"  
"The gods have truly smiled down on us," Marik responded with just enough sarcasm to be funny but not enough to make him sound facetious as he walked out of the kitchen to grab sweatpants for his snowy lover and himself.

"So what do you wanna do today?" Bakura called from the kitchen as Marik was slipping his pants on. "I wanna go out to eat since we have nothing in the house"

Marik was saved from answering him as the phone started ringing and Bakura walked up to the hanging kitchen phone to answer it. "What?" he yelled into the receiver wincing at the loud greeting from his hikari on the other end

"Happy Christmas!" his too cheerful host yelled loud enough for Bakura to removed the ear piece from his ear with a wince, allowing Marik to make out ever word from across the kitchen where he was pouring out the fresh coffee into two mugs.

"Fuck, Ryou, why the fuck are you yelling? And what the fuck is Christmas?" Bakura responded grumpily as he pulled his sweatpants on that Marik had left on the kitchen table for him before walking over to his steaming mug of black coffee.

"What! How do you not know about Christmas"?

"Well not for nothing, I've been dead for what like 5,000 years? We sure as hell didn't have whatever this Christmas bullshit is when I was alive"

"Oh wait yeah you were alive at about 3,000 years before the bible"

"The fuck is a bible?" Bakura growled into the phone getting annoyed that the explanation was taking longer than he wanted and still not understanding anything.

"Oh, well the bible tells the story of how God created the world and his messengers of his good word and the story of his son that was put to death by the humans in order to save them"

"That's as confusing as the Millennium Items" Bakura grumbled as he slurped from his coffee mug, moving to sit on the kitchen counter that Marik was leaning against staring at the snow falling outside the apartment building.

"Hahaha it kind of is," Ryou responded.

"So what is Christmas?"

"It's the day that we celebrate the birth of our savior, Jesus Christ, the Son of God and man"

"Wait which god? There's a lot of them"

"Hahahha no not your gods, in this religion there is only one God"

"Okay, so there's a demi god born today"

"No you're missing the point"

"Yeah probably" Marik snorted into his coffee cup next to him.

"So what the fuck is Santa, Marik won't tell me"

"Santa is a jolly fat man dressed in red with white hair and beard that goes around the night before Christmas and leaves presents under the Christmas trees of all the good boys and girls around the world," Ryou responded too happily for Bakura's liking.

At this point Marik could barely hold his laughter in anymore.

"Ryou," Bakura said calmly and coldly, "I'll call you later."

"Okay Hap-" Bakura hung up just as Marik knelt to the ground holding his sides laughing hard.

"So when were you going to tell me I dressed up like a fucking clown last night?"

Marik just shook his head, laughing harder.

"So all those kids were so fucking excited-"

"Because by robbing that one house you made all of their dreams come true," Marik chuckled from the floor slowly regaining his breath.

"…" Bakura was silent a moment before he sighed "Whatever" he muttered as he disappeared out of the kitchen.

Marik sat a moment before pulling out his phone and sending the photo of Bakura in his unintentional Santa costume and the video of him delivering presents to Ryou before standing and following Bakura into the bathroom, where cursing could be heard.

"God's damn it, all I just wanted my face to be warm but no, I can't even have that little pleasure without someone fucking it up" Bakura muttered loudly as he searched furiously through the cabinet behind the mirror above the sink.

Marik saw him grab a razor out of the cabinet before he closed it in frustration and moving to turn on the sink.

"Oh fuck no you are not shaving"

"Why so that kids can confuse me for Santa for the rest of the winter? No fucking way its gotta go, now"

Marik spun Bakura around and grabbed the rather thick beard in one hand and pinning Bakura to the wall with the other.

"Fuck, what the hell Marik?" Bakura yelled as he tried to pull Marik's hand off his beard

"You aren't shaving until you fuck me one more time"

"I always knew you were kinky but I never knew you were this hot for old men, that's fucking creepy even for me"

"You don't know how good it feels to have your hair run along my skin as you fuck me into the ground" Marik growled out as he pulled Bakura closer to him with one hand on his beard and the other moving around the back of his head to pull him into a heated kiss.

Bakura fought back quickly initiating a heated battle of wills, the unspoken agreement that the looser of the kiss would end up submitting to the other enough to force Bakura to double his efforts to get Marik to submit.

Pulling away form each other they panted for a moment before Bakura pulled the taller blonde toward him and whispered, "You asked for it," before ravaging him once more, gaining complete control of the kiss in moments as they stumbled back to the bedroom.

They were a tangle of limbs and grunted pleasure before they once again settled down into the positions they woke up in, drifting off once again, planning to nap long into the afternoon.

Happy Christmas indeed, Bakura thought to himself as he gazed down at the sweat misted golden god laying half on top of him, pressing a quick kiss to his head before drifting off.


End file.
